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Dear friend,
I thought about writing you last night, when emotions were high, when I was thinking about reaching out to you and realized that there’s probably no going back, even if you wanted me to.
Do you think about me? I realize that when I start thinking much about what I’m missing in my life from the past, I go crazy. I start worrying about how to grab at all the best pieces of all the lives I have ever lived.
You were an amazing part of my life, a quick flash, and now I check in on you from time to time, but I never reach out directly. Our whole relationship was so dream-like, so intense and brief and without sense.
But I’ll repeat it again: Can we ever go back? I mean in theory, is it ever a possibility for anyone in any kind of situation? Or is there only the inexorable forward, like how we know time only flows one way for us?
Would starting over make our connection to one another undead?
I don’t even know if I like you. Is this a strange reflection? Does it mean I am questioning my own self worth? Does it mean I’m unsure of my own perception?
What does it mean to have a feeling gnaw at you from within? There is a kind of hunger which seems to burn deep inside me. A friend once called this my “grasping quality”.
For now, let us leave it as it lies. I hope you are well.
Love,
Brad